Monthly Archives: August 2011

Do you TAN?

Read time: 2 minutes

TAN = take action now, or TANgible action.

You may have noticed that I try to get my readers to take immediate action after reading my posts. Knowledge without action is useless. If you read a personal development blog or book, and do not take any action, you are reading for entertainment, not for self improvement. I find myself doing this from time to time and do my best to turn what I read into tangible action which positively affects my life.

One of the best ways to achieve this, is to have a journal or at least have your goals written down. There’s something magical about having your thoughts and goals down on paper that transforms them into action that achieves positive, tangible change in your life. There is also a therapeutic nature of writing down your issues in life. Studies (here, here p270-87, here p21-41, here) have shown that journaling is a more effective form of therapy than talking to someone about your issues, whether that be a friend or therapist. Save money, don’t see a shrink or talk to your friends about your issues, write about them! Also, when it comes to books, I will oftentimes write down the biggest points I want to remember in a word processor, so I can review it later. I have found this has helped me reinforce the main ideas of a book and ensures that I get the most from each book I read.

Another way I like to achieve tangible results from reading is to have affirmations of what I am currently achieving in my life. I truly believe that your thoughts can be very powerful and what you send into your subconscious can manifest in physical form in your life. Through positive affirmations, you can influence your subconscious mind for your benefit and well-being and see the tangible results happen in your life.

I have also achieved positive results through the use of 30 day trials. If you want to take immediate action in any area of your life you wish to improve, I definitely recommend this method and have achieved many positive, tangible results in my life through the use of various trials. You can search through my old blog as I have written in depth of several successful trials on there.

Take Action Now: Think about some of the things you read: blogs, books, the newspaper, magazines, etc. Are you reading these things for growth or pleasure? Try and take steps toward achieving your goals and avoid mental masturbation. While it is fine to read books or other things for pleasure, make sure you aren’t mistaking true growth for pleasure. Start a journal, read more non-fiction books, start a 30 day trial. Do something! Take that first babystep towards improving yourself; you won’t be disappointed!

No Excuses

Read time: 90 seconds

Don’t ever* complain about your life circumstances. Why? Because essentially, you are where you are in life because of the the choices you have made up until now. Every single little and big decision you have chosen has all contributed and led up to your current life situation in this very moment.

Are you currently happy with your life? Do you wish you were richer/skinnier/more popular/more successful/have more loving relationships/etc? Then you must change your actions, your everyday choices, to achieve different results.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Do you sit around watching tv/playing video games/surfing the internet for hours and hours? Go out drinking/partying every weekend? You MUST put in the work now to reap the benefits later.

You have NO excuses.

You can literally learn ANYTHING these days for FREE on the internet or at the library. You want more money? Read some books on personal finance and start a side hustle to bring in some more dough. Learn graphic design/how to program/web design/photography/a foreign language/seo/cooking/gardening – the list goes on and on ad infinitum. You can easily monetize any of these skills and more.

If you wish to have better health, you can’t sit around eating junk food and expect for it to get better. Do some people have it easy? Of course. And it sucks. But if you aren’t one of those people blessed with a high metabolism, you are just going to have to put in more work to get the results you want. Don’t worry, it WILL eventually catch up to the “lucky ones” if they really do eat like crap and don’t exercise.

Take action now: Choose an area in your life that you are unhappy with. Think about all the choices you have made regarding this area up until this point. Do your choices reflect where you stand at this point? If you wish to improve in whatever area you have chosen, try a 30 day trial to improve this area. You must change your choices if you wish to see different results!

*I put an asterisk by ever because in rare circumstances, you can literally be “screwed” by your life circumstances. If you are born with a certain defect, are in chronic pain, have some sort of extreme disorder then my heart goes out to you. I still think you can make the best of your situation, however, and my advice still would be not to complain about it…;)

Forbidden Fruit Status

Read time: 100 seconds

On the topics of classroom management, priests, parenting, or even Adam and Eve, I would like to talk about how suppression and prohibition consistently fail as a tactic of control.

Let’s say you are a substitute teacher, do you think threats and telling the kids to shut up is an effective form of classroom management? Do you think forbidding priests to marry and have sex is helping to prevent them from pornography addictions or “interactions” with altar boys? As a parent, do threats and very restrictive boundaries prevent your children from getting into mischief or make them more inclined to do those things? Did Adam and Eve eat the apple or not?

Folks, I’d like to talk about something I like to refer to as “forbidden fruit status.” When you elevate something to FFS, do you think people are more or less likely to do that thing? If you’re like me, then you believe in expressing the truth in all things. If you educate people and show them the truth in whatever topic you’re discussing, I think most people can make an educated decision themselves. Even if they do decide to do the thing you don’t want them to do, they will experience it, and learn from their choices, and the consequences will most likely be less than learning “the hard way.” The hard way being without any education in the matter.

An example would be talking to my future daughter about sex. Ideally, I wouldn’t want her having sex until marriage, but I know that is extremely unlikely. The way I would go about getting as close to this goal as possible is simply educating her on all the different aspects of sex. I would talk about the benefits and the potential consequences, which can be extreme indeed. Tell her straight up about STD’s, pregnancy, birth control, love, infatuation, relationships, social issues, emotional and physical benefits and consequences. I would tell her what I want ideally, but that the choice is hers and I support her decision and the lessons learned. Do you think she will be more or less likely to have sex? If she does choose to have sex, do you think she will be more or less likely to plan ahead, use birth control, etc? How effective would this be compared to flat out saying, no sex until you’re 18, period?

Take action now: If you’re a parent, think about all the ways you are elevating certain things to FFS. Do you forbid your children from doing certain things? How effective is it, really? I would encourage you to talk to your children about anything and everything that requires boundaries, and set them accordingly. Truth and education is your strongest tool. Use it to your advantage!

If you have read my other articles, you should be hesitant to take my advice without question…especially since I am not a parent!  Here are a couple studies which support my post 😉

LongTerm Behavioral Effects of Cognitive Dissonance. JONATHAN L. FREEDMAN. Stanford University

Forbidden Fruit: When Prohibition Increases the Harm It Is Supposed to Reduce. Dwight Filley

Tying the Knot

Read time: 90 seconds

I said my vows just over a week ago and I’d like to share a little insight on this thing called marriage. Before getting married and up until now, I have been bombarded with any and all advice relating to marriage. I’ve had people telling me “how it’s gonna be” and what to expect and on and on.

I just want to say right now that a lot of it is crap. If you can recall from my article on congruency, I have been getting a lot of advice from people who are not married, or even in a relationship. I have received advice from people who have been divorced and are not in happy marriages/relationships. You think I’m going to take their advice on how to have a successful marriage or what I “need to do” to make a marriage successful?

Hell no.

Cheap advice is the most abundant thing on the planet. I am going to say right now that this is not going to be your typical co-dependent, need the other person to be there every waking moment, marriage. Apparently it’s taboo to hang out with single people of the opposite sex if you’re married. I am still going to hang out with single friends of either sex unlike what typically happens once you join the marriage club and I expect DW to do the same. I expect generally the same level of freedom and will give DW hers as well.

I started a site called socialunconditioning.com and want to use it to help troubled teens, those with low self esteem, those who have been bullied, ridiculed, etc. and need to know that we have all been conditioned to believe what we do and it’s all a load of crap.

Basically, you don’t have to fall in line and believe what everyone else does. You don’t have to accept what is “cool” and “politically correct” or any other dogma out there. You don’t have to be the person that people will try and make you conform to. Just like the so called expectations in my marriage.

If my marriage doesn’t stand the test of time then you can call me out on my own incongruency 😉

PS: Here is a link to the awesome slideshow I made for the wedding.  Not too bad for my first time I’d say!