Tag Archives: relationships

Worthiness

I have made a goal to write way more often and just want to improve my writing in general as well as get into the habit of writing.  I’m shooting for 25 min per day minimum and also plan on incorporating the Pomodoro method into my life to increase my productivity.  I’m not sure how I will have enough topics to write about, but I am planning to pump them out, whatever topic they may be.  I understand the articles may be a bit unorganized and scatterbrained, but since I am just writing on the fly, I hope I can maintain some sort of structure.

Today I wanted to talk about worthiness.  I honestly feel that a lot of people do not meet various goals in their lives because they feel unworthy of achieving them.  Let’s start with one of the biggest desires and wants people have – the desire for more money.  Ask literally anyone on the street if they’d accept 100k right there on the spot with no strings attached, and I’d say everyone would say yes.

The problem is that while pretty much everyone wants more money, they couldn’t handle a large sum like that and would most likely spend it.  Deep down they would feel unworthy and undeserving of the money, and would spend it all to return to homeostasis.  Generally speaking, the more money you have, the more VALUE you have provided to the world.  Simply looking at jobs, there’s a reason why doctors and engineers make more money than cashiers and floor sweepers – they are providing a more valuable skill to the world and are thus worthy of greater compensation.  The same can be said about the richest people in the world.  They have provided a valuable product or service that has helped millions of people in some way.  Whether that’s writing books about a teenage wizard, developing a software company, or creating a social platform online; these billionaires are worthy of their riches.  They have given an insane amount of value to millions upon millions of people the world over.

Do you think the cashier who lives in mom’s basement and plays games all day feels truly worthy and deserving of a large sum of money?  Even if he were to win the lottery, do you think he would be able to hold on to, or even increase his winnings?  Highly doubtful as he would not feel worthy of the money and would do whatever means necessary (spend it) to revert back to the status quo.

The same can be said about relationships.  Let’s say you are someone who is very socially anxious, and has never had a girlfriend.  Again, you stay in your parents basement playing games day and night, are extremely overweight and are mildly depressed. Let’s say an amazing person somehow drops into your lap, is drop-dead gorgeous, fun to be around, amazing personality, the total package, and this person falls madly in love with you.  Even if you go along with it at first, eventually you would think to yourself, “why does this person love me?” You would begin to question their love because you would feel unworthy of it.  You have nothing to offer them.  Nothing of value.  You would eventually either directly or sub-consciously sabotage the relationship because you would feel unworthy of this person.

Most people want to blame someone or something else for their problems.  They blame their parents, society, the government, the media, being bullied or abused at a young age, growing up poor, and on and on.  While most people do have some skeletons in the closet, the key is total acceptance

When it comes to feeling worthy of any of our wants and desires, we must first and foremost be completely accepting of ourselves.  If we do not love ourselves fully and without reservation, how can we expect anyone else to do likewise? Even if you are not your ideal self now, you must be fully accepting of who you are, where you are in life, and have a positive vision of your life for the future. You must let go of the past and accept where you are in this present moment.  Just by making the decision to take full responsibility of your life situation, you will be in the position to better your life.

I know it’s way easier said than done. It’s incredibly difficult to get over your personal issues and most people never fully will. The thing you need to understand is that you are worthy of love, if you can come to love yourself. Striving to be the best version of yourself will put you in a better mindset to feel worthy of accepting all the things you want in life.  For people to achieve the goals in their lives, a huge part of that is having the proper mindset in order to do so.  Mindset is key.  Having the right mindset can pull you from your bootstraps out of a life of misery, but that is a deeper topic for another day.

TAN: For now, just get in the habit of practicing daily affirmations.  Look into the mirror and tell yourself, “I am worthy of love, and I accept myself where I am at completely.”  I know it sounds a bit silly, but by doing this you will start to change the negative thought patterns that go through your head.  What we tell ourselves whether out loud or in our heads is incredibly important.  The universe is completely unbiased; whether you fill your subconscious with positive or negative thoughts, they will literally create the reality you live in and I have seen it in my own life and others directly. This is not some new age frou frou crap. This is a fact and I can point to countless real-life examples. Your thoughts are incredibly powerful.  Once you begin to shift your mindset, you will get to the point will you will feel worthy of receiving your greatest desires.  And you will attract them into your life.

Simple not Easy

Read time: <2 min

Life is simple but far from easy.  Pretty much any and every issue you can think about is actually very very simple.

Take health for example.  If you were to go up to any person on the street with two plates, one with a big mac and the other with broccoli and ask which is healthier – if people were being honest, every single person would say broccoli.  If you were to ask people which is healthier – sitting on the couch watching netflix or *insert literally any form of exercise here* (walking, running, lifting weights, cycling, sports, on and on and on) which would they answer?  Is smoking healthy?  Is drinking excessively healthy?  These are very simple answers, yet difficult for the vast majority of people to act on.

Let’s move on to money.  Folks – it’s so fucking simple I don’t know why I need to type it out.  I could spout countless examples like buying clothes retail, leasing a brand new car, buying that big screen tv so you can sit on your ass all day and eat doritos and watch netflix, how many god damn pairs of shoes do you need??? People know they should be saving instead of spending.  It’s common sense.  It’s freaking so simple yet far from easy.

Now relationships. Ironically people would have much better relationships if they worked on themselves first.  Guys you want to find a girlfriend/wife/fuck buddy?  Quit sitting on your ass playing video games all day and improve yourself.  Family problems?  See the patterns that have been established, get over your damn ego and work on the root of the problems.  This realm can be a tad more complex, but it oftentimes comes down to yourself – because there’s only one thing we have complete control of in this world.

Everyone knows what they should and should not be doing to improve their lives.  The hard part is getting off your ass and doing the things that will make your life better.

Take Action Now: Think about one thing in your life that you want to change. Realize how simple it really is and start taking steps to improve that area of your life.  We all know what we “should” be doing.  Get an accountability partner.  The support you give each other can be just the push you need to get started and continue down the path of self-improvement.  The hardest part is getting started and sticking to it.  Try a 30 day trial. You have to actually want to change and be willing to put in the work to accomplish your goals. If you are struggling with something feel free to send me a message and I will support you in any way I can. 🙂

It’s Dangerous to Go Alone! Why Relationships are the Key to Success

key to success
Image courtesy of nongpimmy. Freedigitalphotos.net

Read time: 2 minutes

I wanted to stress the importance of relationships and having a “team” when it comes to success in any field. Working in real estate, I have connections with bankers, title companies, appraisers, inspectors, other realtors, investors, landlords, construction workers, electricians, HVAC guys, and more. Still looking for a god damn reliable and reasonably priced plumber in this town though! Without these people, it would be very difficult to achieve success in this field alone; the same goes for other fields as well.

One big issue when it comes to real estate is CASH CASH CASH. I have several people I could turn to right now who have 6 figures they’d be willing to invest/partner in the right deal. I also have a reliable banker where I get my loans. So far, I am still a “small-timer” dealing with houses with purchase prices less than 50k. I am eventually looking to move up to bigger deals and commercial real estate as my portfolio grows. Without capital to fund my deals, I wouldn’t have most of the houses I have.

Another person who has been a huge impact in my life is my mentor. He is actually an old Boy Scout leader of mine, and we reconnected after I “stole” a house from him we both made offers on. This man literally saved me from making a $70,000 mistake. I owe him a lot and he keeps me grounded from making rash decisions. I was even moved up to “partner” after going in on a deal with him recently.

Do you have a mentor or someone you can go to for advice? Do you have a “team” of people helping you to achieve success in your field? While you can grind your way to the “top”, it is much, much easier to have a support system and connections in your journey to success.

TAN: There are many ways to connect with people who can help you achieve success.

  • One of the best ways is to take successful people out to lunch. While Ramit talks in regard to entrepreneurship, the same could apply to successful people in your field or higher ups. If you are a SUPER CHEAPSKATE like me, just take them out to coffee and pick their brains. Definitely be prepared with relevant, insightful questions and don’t waste their time and DON’T ARGUE WITH ANYTHING THEY SAY, EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE.
  • I have a good friend who is working for FREE for a very successful entrepreneur and gaining INVALUABLE information and skills that I know will make him successful. Look for ways you can “intern”, moonlight, apprentice, or even volunteer to achieve valuable skills and connections in relevant fields.
  • Check out www.meetup.com for relevant interest or networking groups. Similarly, you could become active in your local chamber of commerce and network, although I haven’t had much luck personally.

 

Results of the “Not-so” Haunted House

Read time: 2 minutes

For the last month and a half or so, I have been putting my blood, sweat, and tears into fixing up this house. Here are the results of my efforts:

Photos: Before and After

Here’s a spreadsheet of every cost I have incurred.

All this info will be in the left sidebar for future reference. Since this was my first “major” rehab, I learned a lot during the process of fixing this house up as compared to the first two, which were relatively easier. Besides new skills such as laying laminate flooring and tile work (and dealing with mold!), I learned a lot about the management side of this business. I know I can’t do all the work myself, and shouldn’t. Ideally, I would do very little of the work, and hire most of it out and still be in the green. Eventually I am going to want my properties to be managed to make this whole thing even more passive.

Besides stuff related to construction and business, I learned a lot about relationships as well. A friend who has been helping me had to suddenly cut back on his hours due to his significant other and personal situation. It helped me realize that I am in an amazing relationship with an amazing woman and have it way better than most married guys. Heck I’m even going back to Vegas in December without her. Whether you’re married or not, enjoy the personal freedoms you’ve been given and appreciate the time you have with your loved ones. Being away from my wife for nearly 2 months has helped me learn to appreciate the time we have together even more.

Kind of went off on a tangent there, but I have learned a lot about many different aspects of business and life through this house. I am hoping it goes well with renting it out and I’m ready to move on to the next adventure. Every house has been a unique experience and I look forward to what the future holds! 🙂

Forbidden Fruit Status

Read time: 100 seconds

On the topics of classroom management, priests, parenting, or even Adam and Eve, I would like to talk about how suppression and prohibition consistently fail as a tactic of control.

Let’s say you are a substitute teacher, do you think threats and telling the kids to shut up is an effective form of classroom management? Do you think forbidding priests to marry and have sex is helping to prevent them from pornography addictions or “interactions” with altar boys? As a parent, do threats and very restrictive boundaries prevent your children from getting into mischief or make them more inclined to do those things? Did Adam and Eve eat the apple or not?

Folks, I’d like to talk about something I like to refer to as “forbidden fruit status.” When you elevate something to FFS, do you think people are more or less likely to do that thing? If you’re like me, then you believe in expressing the truth in all things. If you educate people and show them the truth in whatever topic you’re discussing, I think most people can make an educated decision themselves. Even if they do decide to do the thing you don’t want them to do, they will experience it, and learn from their choices, and the consequences will most likely be less than learning “the hard way.” The hard way being without any education in the matter.

An example would be talking to my future daughter about sex. Ideally, I wouldn’t want her having sex until marriage, but I know that is extremely unlikely. The way I would go about getting as close to this goal as possible is simply educating her on all the different aspects of sex. I would talk about the benefits and the potential consequences, which can be extreme indeed. Tell her straight up about STD’s, pregnancy, birth control, love, infatuation, relationships, social issues, emotional and physical benefits and consequences. I would tell her what I want ideally, but that the choice is hers and I support her decision and the lessons learned. Do you think she will be more or less likely to have sex? If she does choose to have sex, do you think she will be more or less likely to plan ahead, use birth control, etc? How effective would this be compared to flat out saying, no sex until you’re 18, period?

Take action now: If you’re a parent, think about all the ways you are elevating certain things to FFS. Do you forbid your children from doing certain things? How effective is it, really? I would encourage you to talk to your children about anything and everything that requires boundaries, and set them accordingly. Truth and education is your strongest tool. Use it to your advantage!

If you have read my other articles, you should be hesitant to take my advice without question…especially since I am not a parent!  Here are a couple studies which support my post 😉

LongTerm Behavioral Effects of Cognitive Dissonance. JONATHAN L. FREEDMAN. Stanford University

Forbidden Fruit: When Prohibition Increases the Harm It Is Supposed to Reduce. Dwight Filley